If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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