True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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