I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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