separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
