She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
