ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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