Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
