just tell him i said nine months
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
