no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
