hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
