We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
