genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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