Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
