I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
