An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
