he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
