if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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