Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
