he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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