I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
