The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
