Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My life is pants optional.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
