You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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