I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
