please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
