What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
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