I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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