Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
