i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
