I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
