i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
