so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
