I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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