erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
