I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
