I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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