Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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