Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
