He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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