actually, I'm a sock model
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
