you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
