Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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