Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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