is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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