apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
