All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Couch. On fire.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
They left me at home... I'm a liability
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
