i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
