Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
