awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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