She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
