why didn't you poke me back
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
