GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
