In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
